My heart has been heavy over the past couple of weeks. I learned that my son’s very good friend has spent half the summer fighting leukemia. This boy and my son became close friends last year — they played earlier in the summer, and then we didn’t hear from him again. I figured they were just busy.
Busy is an understatement.
Learning that a precious little seven-year old life has been hijacked by a terrible disease is enough to stop me in my current tracks. I spend so much time planning for my sons’ future college educations. Now, it all seems silly.
We’re not promised a tomorrow. My seven year old wants to see a beach with the best sea shells. If we are blessed to see this March, then we will take both our little boys to a beach that is known for excellent sea shells.
I’ve decided to loosen my financial belt a bit. If it takes us a few months longer to reach our emergency fund goal, so be it. I need to find a better balance when it comes to balancing our long-term goals with our current lifestyle.
If my sons have to pay half of their college tuition because of these choices, I think they’ll understand. I want to give them memories and experiences right now AND in the future…if we’re so lucky as to see one.
How My Priorities Are Shifting
- I’m going to remain consumer debt-free.
- I’m going to build my emergency fund to equal $20,000.
- I’m going to spend more quality time with both of my sons.
- I’m going to play, laugh and be present when with my family.
- I’m going to try and be more grateful for each day that I’m given.
- I’m going to balance my family’s future financial health with our current lifestyle.
That last point basically means that if my seven year old wants to take a family bike ride to a local ice cream shop for a treat on occasion, I’m going to say yes.
If he wants to see amazing seashells and we can swing a short budget trip to take him to do that (without accumulating any debt, of course), I’m going to say yes.
If he wants nothing more than to go spend his allowance at Magic Mountain by playing video games and riding go carts — you guessed it — I’m going to say yes.
My perspective has shifted, once again. Thanks for coming along for the ride.
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On a much lighter note, later this week I’ll be announcing a fun giveaway! Do you like cash? Do you like wine? If so, you won’t want to miss this. Stay tuned. 
Have you ever received unexpected news that completely shifted your perspective on what is important?
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Jenny. Thanks for sharing this. My heart goes out to your son’s friend. I think we forget sometimes how fragile we are and how fragile life can be. The wake-up call can be pretty heavy though.
I think what you’ve managed to achieve in terms of becoming debt-free is amazing. You’re so right though that debt-free shouldn’t mean penny-pinching. Life, right here right now, is for living. It is for each of us to enjoy it while we can.
I love that you’re going to take your son to that beach so he can see the beach with the best shells. I hope he really enjoys it.
Steve
Steve Marquez recently posted..Came to believe
Thanks for your insights Steve. I know you have the concept of living now down pretty well — even while still working towards achieving your financial goals.
I have a decent grasp of my own mortality, but I always think my kids will be around forever. Ya know? Receiving the news about my son’s friend was a wake-up call for sure.
Thanks for reminding me why I put my attention into today, and my securities in eternity
mark recently posted..Time and flow
My pleasure Mark.
Yes, I’ve received news like that a few times, and it does give me a shake every time it happens. It’s been happening more frequently in the past five years, as so many friends have been dealing with cancer, sometimes repeatedly, and all too often losing the battle. I’m starting to wonder if any of us will see 65. It makes me determined to grow the body of creative work I will leave behind, and at the same time it makes me stop to just breathe and love.
Meg recently posted..The Rusty Sword of Shopping
I’m so sorry to hear that you have several friends that are battling cancer Meg. It’s a nasty disease to deal with.
Growing our body of creative work is a great way to ensure we leave something behind, no matter how close or far off in the future that might be.
Jenny, I understand all too well the message behind this post. I’m so sorry for your son’s friend and his family… it’s a devastating disease that no one deserves, but especially not a child.
I admire your flexibility and commitment to your kids. I have no doubt your family is the motivation for your financial choices and goals and this new perspective is simply an adjusted way of continuing to put them first.
Thanks Kate. And I’m so sorry for the turmoil your family has gone through in recent months.
My family is my motivation when it comes to my financial goals. I just needed to make more space for now while continuing to work towards the goals set for 10-15 years from now!
Firstly and most importantly I sincerely wish your Son’s friend a full recovery – my thoughts are with all of you.
3 years ago we lost a family member in the prime of his life. It is the most devastating thing that has ever happened to us as a family. I know very well that tomorrow never comes. One night we were out for dinner discussing what the next 25 years might bring, three months later we were at his funeral.
It’s a balance, living for today but taking care of the future should we be lucky enough to live it.
Jo@simplybeingmum recently posted..Downing Digital Tools
p.s – you should see the bucket of shells we have bought back from France! Beautiful, and provided and continue to provide hours of fun decorating them… it’s the simple things in life eh?
Jo@simplybeingmum recently posted..Downing Digital Tools
Thank Jo. I’m so sorry for your loss. Living through an unexpected loss has to be one of the most devastating human experiences.
So France has beautiful shells, eh? We were looking at Sanibel Island, FL for the spring.
Jenny, Sanibel Island is absolutely beautiful, along with Captiva Island. We used to vacation there when I was a kid for many years before we switched and headed a little further south to Marco Island. Although I suppose it’s probably changed since I last saw it (when I was 9).
Tanja Hoagland recently posted..Wisdom of the Cicadas
Some of the prettiest shells I have ever seen were on Marco Island. I bought some back and they are in my garden over here! It was still pretty 8 years ago so guess hasn’t changed that much
Jo@simplybeingmum recently posted..Bonjour! I’m Back!
Thanks for sharing this, Jenny – I’m sorry to hear about your son’s friend. Sometimes events such as these cause us to re-evaluate the path we’re on, and it sounds like it has caused you to rethink just a little the balance between being frugal, and using some funds to fully enjoy life.
Travis @DebtChronicles recently posted..Signs and Milestones – 40K and 40lbs
Hi Travis. Yes, this news has definitely created a shift in my mindset. Hopefully I’ll be a better parent from it!
Jenny,
My husband almost died November 2008. It changed our perspective quite a bit. People are so much more important than things, or money.
Hug your little boys every day!
Sending up prayers for your son’s friend…
Bernice
Living the Balanced Life recently posted..Everyday wisdom
Bernice,
I know we’ve talked about your husband’s health scare and how it has changed your perspective on life. And I always hug my little boys every day, but I’ve been holding on a little longer lately.
“People are so much more important than things, or money.”
Perfectly said.
College corrupts and is not always a good idea. However, we’re saving and paying off the house.
I’ve been struggling a lot lately with how much effort / time / money is put into “college” and how little parents spend on their children and their “spiritual education”. What is the goal of raising children? Spiritual -> Character -> Education? I guess that my thinking is “If tomorrow is not guaranteed, then the spiritual is the only thing that will last”
Anyways, good article!
Hi Jenny,
Many blessings to your son’s friend and keep hugging your boys longer.
I struggle with this too. Part of me wants to take off on an adventure and do a little living, but another part of me wants to save just a little more money before I do that. Patrick and I have been going back and forth undecided on it lately.
It seems so prudent to think of the future and so much more fulfilling to think of the now.
Tanja Hoagland recently posted..5 Simple Ways to Downsize Your Book Collection
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